This week a client of mine messaged me in a tailspin
because she had read another dating coach’s email
which basically tried to use a massive amount of fear
to scare women into the fact that they biologically and statistically
must meet their man in their early 30s if they want to have kids.
(and this coach is a Man, by the way…)
And, I was pissed that this fear-based message is out there
and influencing women like my my client, who is 36, and started to freak out
feeling like maybe she missed her chance.
So today, on Mother’s Day
I wanted to send a message of FAITH, not fear
for anyone in my community
that wants to be a mom
and is trying to meet the man first to get to their dream of creating a family.
My Child Chose Me
by Nicole Moore
I’ve never had the experience of so badly wanting a child
and not being able to have one
because of lack of a man in my life
or my body or anything like that.
My child came to me.
And, he even let me know he was coming
before I was ready.
When I was 30.5 years old,
I was meditating
and, out of the blue,
I heard a voice say
“you’re going to have a baby when you’re 32 so get prepared”.
My eyes opened in shock and disbelief.
You see, at the time, I was completely single
and just couldn’t see how meeting a man and having a baby
could happen in such a short time frame.
But, shocked as I was by that voice,
some part of me listened.
And, I did begin to prepare for the possibility of a baby
in my own ways.
Subconsciously, it drove me to work harder in my business
and make sure I got it to the place of more than enough.
I did a LOT of healing work on my wounded inner child
so that I could be healed
and be the most loving mom if I ever go the chance.
And, I dated.
Not in an “I need to find my husband and baby daddy” kind of way.
Not with a eye just for “hotness” which honestly used to be my primary focus
but for substance.
I looked for a man who was centered, full of integrity
and who most of all had a truly loving heart.
And, I payed attention.
Like when a dating coach who I had interviewed for a project
told me randomly, just after I had moved to San Diego,
that I should be with a 36 year old man,
And said yes to every single 36 year old that asked me out.
And, while swiping on Tinder one day in May
I saw a man come up who had written on his profile “keeping it zen”
and who was 36.
I said yes.
That man ended up being my now husband.
And, nearly a year after we met,
I was engaged and pregnant at 32.
As I look back at my story now, I can see
that life itself was leading me to the moment that I met Mike.
Because after I did, everything got better from there.
My business tripled.
My self-love grew even deeper as a result of his reflection
And, we had the most amazing little baby.
And as I sit here on Mother’s Day, filled with love
for this precious little soul,
I can’t help but think that it was HIM that was guiding me all along
so I could meet the man who was supposed to be his daddy.
I just know, when I look into my son’s eyes,
that we were meant to be family.
So, if you want to be a mom
but haven’t met the right man yet to create a family with,
I want to invite you to take a moment to connect.
Connect to the little baby that wants to come through you.
(whether it’s via pregnancy or adoption or maybe even stepkids)
Because my baby knew he was coming to me even before I did.
And, I’d be willing to bet that yours does too.
Let that desire to be a mom guide you
to open up and see how life is already trying to help you
find the right man to have a family with.
Are you paying attention?
Let that desire to be a mom guide you
to getting the support and help you need to heal
if there’s anything still in the way of you feeling fully worthy
of receiving and amazing man in your life and creating the family you dream of.
And, make finding your man not just about GETTING someone to love you,
but about creating the space to GIVE love
to that little baby who has already energetically said yes to you.
You know how they say shoot for the moon and you may hit the stars?
Go BIGGER in your love vision.
Connect to that beautiful little soul who’s meant to be yours
and you will be shown the path to meet the man who will lead you there.
But, when that path appears,
you must be brave enough to follow it.
Since that meditative moment
where my future spoke to me and let me know it was coming,
I was being guided by the soul that was meant to be my baby.
But, it wasn’t always easy to listen.
You see, I almost didn’t move to California,
which is where my man and father of my child was,
because I was scared.
I knew deep in my bones that I was done with NYC,
where I had lived my whole life
and that my man was in California
but I was stalling and stalling on moving because I was simply afraid
of leaving my comfort zone and everything I had known.
Can you imagine if I had let fear of change get in the way?
I almost cancelled the date with my now husband
because I had worked all day that Sunday
and I was tired.
Can you imagine if I had let working on my business and being busy
get in the way?
And, when the big love that is my husband got here,
I almost didn’t let him in
because 3 months after we met,
our egos got in the way
and we started to fight.
Thank God I had already learned HOW to love
and done the deep healing work before meeting him.
Can you imagine if I had let my ego get in the way?
I wouldn’t have what I have now.
A beautiful son that lights me up
and an incredible man who is such a loving dad.
So, if you’re sitting here on Mother’s Day
wanting to become a mom
and wanting to meet that man first
so you can start your family with him,
Things can change faster than you think.
If you open up,
pay attention to the signs,
and let yourself be guided.
It’s very possible
that just like mine did,
your baby has already chosen you.
And he or she is just guiding you
to the exact teachers you need
to the exact experiences you need
and to the exact man that you need
to be ready to hold the BIG love
that your beautiful child will bring.
PS: If you are a single mom, I bow to you.
I know you are doing the absolute best that you can for your little one(s) every day
and that it’s hard and that your heart is just so strong.
And, I am sending a prayer your way that you find the man
who can be that rock solid support system for you
so you don’t have to do it all on your own.
If you want to have kids but are facing fertility challenges
or questioning freezing your eggs,
I haven’t gone through that personally but I have friends who are
and I know that it’s hard to keep the faith.
I’m sending you lots of love and a prayer that your baby dreams do come true.
If your heart is heavy on mother’s day because you are facing recent loss
or still healing wounds from your own relationship with your mother,
I’m sending a prayer that your heart be healed to wholeness.